Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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