Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
