my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize