it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
