If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
