Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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