Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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