I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize