We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My friends, they love my intelligence
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
