So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
