I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
