apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
