Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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