I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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