so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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