You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
