Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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