well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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