we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
