perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize