If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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