This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
