The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
