Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
