my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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