Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
