Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
