John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize