The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
