Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
