I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize