my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
