Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
