oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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