I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
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Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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