Someone shit on the floor
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
