Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
where are my eyebrows?
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