4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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