oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
