So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
