where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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