I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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