You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
