how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
