That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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