I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize