First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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