He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I understand Curling. That high.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
