Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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