I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
