My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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