I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
