I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm having to shit out rocks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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