last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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