I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
