if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
