and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
