she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
