i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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