So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
