pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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