I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
