Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
