I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
