Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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