I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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